To my family, my supporters, the world,
Let us never forget...Love...Light...so so many smiles...We have all shared this together, or with someone in this world, at one time or another. So let us not forget the good times. Life is a battlefield, and as someone once put on my page, ďeven the strongest warriors, bleed on the battlefield...Ē Apparently, it is my time to bleed...
So be it, but wounds heal. Maybe not in this life, but in the next, be assured that my wounds, no matter how grievous, will heal...I will rejoice alongside my father, so let us not forget.
So many amazing people make up this world of ours, yet we tend to focus on so much negativity, hate, destruction...Why is this? When you open ANY newspaper today, what do you see? Itís all about crime, oil leaks, scandals, wars etc...so why would one even want to read such negativity??? Negativity will breed negativity, so the world remains in a negative state of affairs, Yes, so many wonderful people make up this world, trust me, i know...Iam friends with many of them A friend of mine from England, recently gave me one of the highest praises i think that i have ever received, when she compared me to Gandhi!!! But she reminded me of a famous quote of his ďYou must be the change you wish to see in the worldĒ. If you want to change in this world, if you want to see peace, if you want your friends and family to come back home from a pointless and endless war, if you want the economy to recover, the change starts with you. If you donít know how to love yourself, or others, how can you expect others to?? If you continue to make war with others, to praise and support violence, how can you expect the wars to end?? For us to find peace?? If you continue to handle your money, in a poor fashion, instead of enlightening yourself to your financial situation...if you continue to allow government to spend YOUR tax money, to ruin our economy etc etc...how can you expect change?? Change comes with you...
I have learned A LOT in my time as a hostage...i learned about corruption, and that it was not just in movies, when i was arrested, beat and sentenced to death, for a crime i did not commit. Itís irrelevant WHO committed it, i DID not. So i learned a lot that day, and the day i was sentenced...
I learned about unconditional love, when my mother and father stuck by my side, regardless of what horrible crimes i was accused of. At a time when they did not know what to believe, they gave it to GOD, and just loved me.
I learned about FAITH, that day, and many days to come, from my parents, as well. My father, may he rest in peace, told me a story one time...He said that he went to the church after my arrest, really torn up about everything, and he talked to our minister, who at the time i believe was Mike Lindstrom...He told him: ďMike, i donít know what to do, my son is accused of a horrible crime, but even if he is guilty, i love him completely...Ē Can you imagine such a love??? Do you know what Mike said??? He said: ďNow you know how God feels...Ē God loves each of everyone of us, no matter what we do...how many times we do it. He loves us. My fatherís and motherís love for me, is this great. But they taught me about faith, through their actions.
I learned about Texas death row, since iíve been held hostage...i learned that its misrepresented...That politicians keep the public in the dark about many things. That itís cheaper to give us life sentences, then to execute us... That its tax payers wasted money, spent on this...that, while death row was housed at Ellis unit in Huntsville, and had access to box cutters, straight razors, etc on a daily basis, they had less incidents of violence, then others locked in the same environment. NO TDC officer was ever murdered, according to my information, while DEATH ROW was open...yet, we are too dangerous so we must be slaughtered, like dogs with rabies???
I learned that the guys here on death row, have hearts as big, if not bigger, than most people i met while free. They will not let someone get hungry, they wonít leave people out, they will not allow people to feel sad or abandoned, and if you need it, all you have to do is ask...It was amazing to learn this. I was not on death row 30 minutes, when guys were sending me soap, toothpaste, food, clothes, etc etc everything i needed to make it until i could get on my feet...Never once asking me for something in return...these are the monsters you wish to slaughter...
I learned about the LAW, from a muslim friend of mine, named Adbullah (Randy Arroyo) who ended up getting a life sentence...He taught me how to fight my situation, how to be a man and not a child swinging blindly in the dark. He opened my eyes, and enlightened me to the tools at my disposal. Iíve since learned that the law, makes very little since. Itís not EXACT, it varies from situation to situation, no matter what politicians and D.A may try to tell you. My co-defendant got convicted of murdering three people, and got a life sentence; i got convicted of killing one person, and iam to be slaughtered for this, July first, at 6pm...Justice??? You decide, its beyond me...
I learned what TRUE love is, while on death row...Iam talking about a love that is strong enough to bring you to your knees...A love so strong that to this day, when someone says the name of my soulmate, it makes my heart jump. I learned what it meant to be willing to die for your soulmate, what having a ďother halfĒ means. I learned about the difference between love and lust. The difference between a REAL woman and a girl...I was taught that inner beauty can shine even brighter then outer beauty...I then learned that you should never take your other half for granted...you never know what life has in store...That you have to put your love before the ďwantsĒ and sinful desires of your heart. I learned this the hard way. I learned the pain of being separated from your soul mate, and eventually I learned how to ďexistĒ without her. I cannot say that iam ďlivingĒ because without her, i do not feel whole.
I learned what its like to have REAL friends, and people who care about you. What a honor it is to have such amazing people stand side by side with you in a struggle to save my life. The amazing feeling when someone writes you and tells you, ďstand strong Michael, we believe in you!!!Ē How humbiling it is to have so many people, from around the world, tell me they believe in me, they are fighting and praying for me, and how i have touched and changed their lives...Itís priceless...To have people fly 5,000 miles, just to spend a few hours with me, behind some glass, talking through a phone??? Can you even imagine?? People that probably canít even afford to do so, but care so much, they do it anyway...TRUE friendship...I have learned what TRUE friendship is.
I have learned the pain of losing someone you loved and respected more then any other man alive...the pain of losing my father. The greatest man i have ever met. The pain of realizing the famous saying ďyou never know what you had until itís gone...Ē I had so many things, in my father...A role model, a friend, a teacher, a minister to my faith, a coach, a rock to lean on when i just could not do it myself, a protector, a guardian angel...My father was so many things, to me, and countless others. He touched everyone, and anyone that he knew. I learned this pain, in a very real way. Iíve lost my soulmate, iíve lost the greatest man in my life...iíve learned about pain, and loss, since being held hostage...
Iíve learned about strength. I have learned what the saying ďreal men cryĒ really means. That tears are not a sign of weakness, but they are signs of different forms of strength. Iam not held in a place where many share tears openly but those who do, are the strongest men in here, to me...Iíve learned that strength isnít about the size of your arms and muscles, but the size of your heart and compassion...the size of your faith for Him, who created ALL...I learned what it means to truly care about all beings, all creations, a good friend from England taught me this recently and it was a very profound experience...you can ONLY live in the ďnowĒ so ONLY YOU can affect YOUR now...does it make any sense to you at all, to purposly create a negative ďnowĒ??? So smile, laugh, hug, jump for joy and click your heels! But do not be sad, do not be depressed, upset, mad, angry, frustrated, or any of the many tools of Satan, to spread negativity. Create your own ďnowĒ, as my friend Dazza taught me, and make YOUR ďnowĒ, a positive one, and you know what??? In turn, you effect everyone around you, to hopefully make their ďnowĒ positive as well. Be the change you want to see in others, in the world, as i said earlier.
I have learned about forgiveness, and the importance of being close to your family. Another lesson that i have learned recently. Seeing my family brought me such joy these last few days, its so hard to express. Seeing how much my cousins have grown, the bound between my aunt and my mother, how my brother has turned into a good man, someone iam proud to call my brother...and my mother...I donít even need to speak on mighty mouse, for anyone that knows, understands. Haha as they say, where there is a great man, a greater woman can be found!!! Hahahah yea yea mom, donít eat that up too much!! ;-) BUT i bet dadís smiling !!! ;-)...Speaking of, i learned from my father, that a woman is ALWAYS right, and booooy was he right, jeez! ;-) My family is inspirational, and my father is still with us, in his own way, his presence will ALWAYS be felt, for he TRULY lead through his example and many have learned because of it.
I guess last, i have learned what it means to be at peace....complete peace with life, and possible death. I have zero fear, zero worries...I donít believe in ďno regretsĒ, to me thatís crazy!!! But iam at peace...iam a much better man, today, then i was in october 2001....Iam a MAN now, when then, I was , but a child who thought he was a man. Iam a even better man, thanks to all of you who have blessed my life with so much! First and foremost, My heavenly Father, who makes all things possible! My earthly father, you can now read my heart directly, words are not enough...mighty mouse, better known as mom ;-) I apologize for all the pain i have put you through, I just didnít understand....
Ryan, we shared many good times bro, more than most people know, or would believe. I have seen a side of you that probably no one else has, and i can tell you how blessed I feel to have seen it, the REAL you. I wish that you would bless the world with that person, man, you would shock some people! ;-) you are SUCH a funny person!! Just today i was trying to explain how funny you were when it was just you and me, then when you showed up, BOOM the first damn thing you did, is make me crack up!! hahaha (when you were talking about the supreme court justice!) I love you Ryan, iam proud of the man you have become, please, please, donít think that i love you less because of your years of distance...I understood, trust me. Iíve never regretted one time in my life, having you as a brother. I remember one time, when we lived in Kingwood. Me and some guys i donít remember who, were trying to let the air out of another kids tires, not sure why, because its what kids did back then, but a BIG kid showed up, and asked us what we were doing, and the first thing that came to my mind was: ďumm, do you know Ryan Perry??? Wellll...he is my big brother!Ē and i SWEAR to you, that kid turned around and went straight to school!!! Hahaha So even when you donít know it, you are looking out for me. I pray that you will take care of mom, if i am to go and be with father. She is in great hands.
Anne & Jayne...i donít know what to say...you two have turned into very beautiful women...ok ok ok YOUNG women ;-) I am very sorry that i brought this...drama into your lives. I did not ask for this to happen, and i apologize. I wish that we had more time, now that you two are back in my life. I have always kept track of you two, prayed for you etc...You may not have known, but i ALWAYS kept track of your lives, i knew when you broke up with Nick, Jayne, and wanted to kick his ass (ok ok, he would have probably hurt me, BUT, i would have talked bad to him on the phone!!!) Iam serious, i was pissed when i heard about it, even though i had no clue what happened ;-) Iam VERY glad that he manned up, and smartened up, and realized that he needed to put a ring on your finger before he lost the best thing that could have happened to him! It made me want to cry when today, as SOON as i mentioned you getting married, the biggest damn smile i have ever seen, was on your face!! THAT is the smile that i want to always be on your face, and NICK, if youíre reading this, you better keep that smile on her face, oooooor...i will HAUNT YOU!!! ;-) (by the way Nick, the sooners suck, go BIG RED!!!!)
Jayne, i remember all the good times we had, since your sister and my brother never let us hang out! Hey, now that i think about it...i remember when you hooked me up with the big chick! Hah, on the phone, remember??? When i was in Nebraska! I remember how you used to be like a fish and swim all the time at our house, remember always going to the movies with your mom, i even remember dancing with you at marnies wedding when we were REALLY young! I cherish all of our memories, and will take that image of your gigantic smile with me and share it with my father, with nanny, and watch over you always, as you grow in life, and hopefully have 10 grand babies for your mom and my mom to spoil!!!! ;-) Live life to the fullest, Jayne, always know youíre in my heart, thank you for being the cousin, and the FRIEND, that you were to me, and never looking down or judging me for my difficult times. May God bless you and Nicks marriage, for a long, long time!
Anne, Anne, Anne...see, iam gonna have to lecture you, because see, you just never told me about these parties! Ooow, you better be sooooo glad i canít get a hold of that picture of your ďslipĒ at ďtheĒ party! ;-) because i would have placed it allll over my facebook and myspace and said, HEY, ITS MY COUSIN!!! i canít believe you did not slip my address to one of the bunnies!!! ďpsst, hey, you, the one with the big fake boobys, here is my cousins address, yea, i said address, not number, you see, he is, umm...kind of texas death row, but trust me, write him, heís a catch!Ē hahahaha Why are you laughing at me?? Are you laughing at me Anne?? ok ok, so that wonít work...Oh crap, i JUST remembered the time when i umm...borrowed those ciggies from that store, and the guy you were talking to was the manager or something??? And i just straight pulled them out and said, hey, look what i got?? Haha OOOPPPSS!!! Ok ok, so that goes down as one of my not so bright moments, geez... ...you have one of the biggest smiles of anyone i have ever known, you and your sister, but every picture i have ever seen of you, you are smiling so hard it looks like your neck hurts!!! Thatís GREAT!! A smile is one of the most powerful things in the world, so continue to share your beautiful smile with the world, never take for granted how it can change lives. I pray that you can find true happiness like your sister has, but even if thatís not in marriage, just be happy with life! You truly seemed to be doing great, and that made me happy. Thank you for coming and testifying for me, for coming to visit me these last days, and for never looking down on me, you have always been a very special friend to me, and will always have a place in my heart, as i look down on you from heaven! And donít worry, i wonít let you fall at the next party! ;-) I love you!
Aunt Joy...my second mother...you have always been there for me, and i was thinking the other day, have you ever been upset with me, i mean, in person?? I caní remember a time you ever were, but i think that is just because you handled me so well. Always had a ďplanĒ to keep us kids active, movies, sodas etc A LOT of my good memories, are with you and your daughters, while i was visiting for various reasons. The zoo where the monkey was eating the gum, included. Your house always felt like...home...to me, i always felt welcome, no matter what i had recently been into. Just like your daughters, you were always loving towards me, and never judgemental, i canít tell you how much that meant to me, even if at the time, i took it for granted. Through the years, you have continued to be here for me. Most importantly to me, though, is the fact that you are the best sister anyone could ask for, towards my mother.
Wow, this is going to last me forever, isnít it??? And i just know, if i leave someone out, they are going to feel bad, and i donít want that...hmmm. Well, iam just going to have to make it short, i donít have enough time, i have so many wonderful people in my life, i canít possibly cover them all!
KEN, my brother and friend, we have had our ups and downs, but thatís what makes our friendship so much stronger. Because we have over come all of it. Without your help and support, i donít even want to think what things would have been like! You got me so much support, legal, financial, moral, media, etc etc..itís amazing! You are one man wrecking crew my friend! You were also my protector, never allowing anyone to disrespect me, my family, or friends, and iam so grateful for that! We have had some great times, you have always made me laugh, and allowed me to yell and beat you up in my letters, so i could feel better about myself!! Thank you for that, you know that it was never serious, right?? Pumpkin head?? I mean seriously, you do realize your head looks like a damn pumpkin, right?? ;-) haha ok ok, admit it, you laughed!? Hell, if my head looked like that, i would be crying!!! Hahaha ok ok, iam on a role, let me stop...you and me know, and thatís all that matters in the end bro, do you understand? We have fought the good fight, but never let these people take your happiness, hear me?? Never let them take your peace, because then, they have really won and we canít let that happen, keep the fight alive bro, but donít lose your peace, you have won the battle TWICE now, and you know what i mean, i am so proud of you for that, you canít imagin! Donít give in, keep fighting, lean on God, and you canít go wrong. I may die on the first, but iam forever going to haunt you, you already know that! When your ceiling in the kitchen starts leaking again, thatís going to be me...well, nevermind ;-) but you get the pictures, iam not going anywhere but the next world up. Get yourself right with God, bro, and i will see you again in about 50 years! Thank you for always being there for me, always being understanding. You were definitely a real brother to me, I love you.
Marco, Stephanie, Darren, Natalia, Bev, Christina, Robin and everyone that right now, iam just too tired and worn out to remember, i know that there are so many of you out there! Please, know that i love each and everyone of you, and there really are not any words to express my gratitude, this is just my weak attempt at letting you know that are you are loved and appreciated.
Marco, brother, you know that i love you and appreciate all the spiritual strength that you always gave me! Iam going to go fishing in the clouds, and will see you again one day! KEEP THE FAITH!! Thank you for EVERY SINGLE PENNY you and your friends donated, please send my love to Friar Fabio, let him know that i go with God and with peace in my heart...Please let the commitee know that i thank them...they did what they could, and itís not their fault, or the expert we hired. The expert proved i was innocent, the courts did not even read it...welcome to texas...
Stephanie, my babygirl, the lioness...i have not known you very long, but in the short amount of time i have known you, you have been AMAZING!!! If i would have met you earlier, you, Ken, and Emily could have really made some things happen, with Marco helping out as well. But it is not your fault, things happen in life for a reason. Do not be sad, continue life as it is, knowing that iam FINALLY at peace, and smiling down on you. I only pray, that for me, and for your salvation, you will listen to me, and your friend, and turn towards God, it is not easy, it takes discipline, and FAITH, but you are such a strong woman!!! I KNOW that you would make such a wonderful soldier for christ! I also hope that you will slow down...let life come to you, and donít worry about anything but peace, and happiness for YOU, because you deserve it, YOU deserve it. I have learned that you have spent so much time making others happy, but you need to make stephanie happy...Stephanie is an amazing person.
I love you my friend, you are in my heart. MUAH!
Darren, mate, iam in the zone, iam in the ďnowĒ, i learned so much from you at your visit, itís crazy!! What took you so long to come down!?!? Oh, yea, that was my fault! ;-) Nothing more needs to be said my brother...I just wanted to say one more time that i appreciate everything that you and Shelly did. I love you, and canít wait to watch the movie from heaven!!
Natalia/Bev, you two really really stepped up at the end, when it mattered. Thank you so so much! Just like everyone else i wish that i had met you a long time ago, you are both wonderful people and i pray that you keep the fight going! Natalia, go for that new life, that new job that your soul and spirit is crying for! Not enough people listen to that inner voice to make a difference. As is obvious, this world NEEDS people to make a difference. You are so intelligent, so caring, and itís very obvious that you have a big heart, share that with the world! Thank you for everything, thank you Bev for being a part of my life, letting your wonderful daughter be a part of my life. Keep the fight alive, iam just one person, but the death penalty is a evil that stains the world, it must stop.
All my love!! God Bless...
Christina...I regret not being around, if iam not, to see your beautiful baby! You are going to make SUCH a great mother!!! I just hope that one day you will finally realize how much of an amazing woman you truly are, from every single angel!!! You have been so much to me, for me...We are connected, you and me, that cannot change. Iam ALWAYS with you, just like you are always with me. Please, no regrets, because iam not upset at all, i understand that you could not always be there for me, but even when you THOUGHT you were not there for me, you were, trust me. I could always feel your presence. You have been, and always will be, one the of closest person in my life, to my heart. You will forever be my Gangsta Boo!!! ;-) I LOVE YOU
History is made by defining moments...moments that change lives...effect numerous people and how they look at life...But what defines, and defining moment??? We can chose when to make this ďchangeĒ and that change can affect others. I ask of all, to make my murder, the defining moment in your life, that brings about change. In this, you steal from the state, from those that have hate in their heart, and you win...It makes my life, and my death, mean so much more than it would have. Every person that is touched and changed, in a positive manner, by my death, is a miracle created by this situation. I have had the VERY best lawyers i could EVER asked for...iam supported by the best family, the best friends, and iam an innoncent man, with the evidence that SCREAMS this. So what does this mean?? It means that itís my time...it means that God is trying to make a point, he is trying to change the world, to use me and my situation as an example. Who are we to argue with HIM??? If HE says itís my time, then itís my time, period. Doesnít matter if i have a thousand lawyers. I fully accept His call, i give myself 100% to Him and go with peace, and love in my heart and mind...Please let my situation spread peace, and love, within each and everyone of you. Make it a goal to make at least ONE person, i would rather 5 but at least one person, to smile or laugh every day. Raise that goal after a week, etc etc and spread the joy that my life, that my death, represents: CHANGE. Thatís what i want my death to represent. A change in the way we think, act, live, love, etc...Through this change, we can all make a difference. You have to BELIEVE in it, my friends! Iam sitting here, at 11pm, on the 29th, less than 2 days to live, and i have a smile on my face, joy in my heart! I promise you that it can happen to all of you! and oh, what a wonderful and joyous feeling!?!?!? I have been in good home, i have been without a home at all, i have been loved, i have been raped, but never have i known anything like what i feel today, at this moment! And i just want to give each and everyone of you, in the world, a hug and say, i love you! SMILE! Be JOYOUS!! Why not?? Itís YOUR choice how you feel?? Times are hard, but hell, iam facing my own murder! We can not allow ourselves to be upset about that with which we cannot change...We have bills to pay, everyone hates bills, but they must be paid, yes?? So why allow that to take control of your ďnowĒ?? CONTROL your ďnowĒ and own it! Say I WILL BE HAPPY!!! I WILL SMILE! And then say IAM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF!!! Hahaha ok, see, i made you laugh, didnít I itís that easy! Life is GOOD! Stand outside, and yell LIFE IS GOOD!! You are not crazy but ALIVE! A lot of people walking around are not alive, they just think they are, they are wasting time! Take my death, and CHANGE!!! Understand that not only can you change you, but you can use that change, to help others change! But it MUST start with YOU, thatís right, YOU! Look at my murder and say, this is not right! The politicians, judges, etc in texas, in the world, need to understand this, and send them some prayers, send them some love, and help make a change for the better...donít yell at them, donít curse them, donít think bad thoughts about them, because thats counter productive.
Iam rambilling, and some of you are asleep! ;-) iam never far away, my friends! Think of me, and i will be there...talk to me and i will listen, ask of me something, and i will do my best to make it happen. Iam not leaving the fight, iam going to be with my father, and heís going to teach me to sail in heaven, and iam going to teach him to play soccer! And together, we will help you bring joy and love to this world that so needs it! I can do more from heaven, than in here, my dear friends! Do not be saddened, but rejoice! I love all of you, never forget...
I will end this, but know this, IF my time comes, at 6pm, on the 1st, i will walk to my death with my head high, my eyes to the sky...and a smile on my face and in my heart!! They can not steal my smile, nor my peace! Just this body!!
In heart and struggle,
I remain with all that i am,
Michael James Perry
April 9th 1982 Ė July 1st 2010